I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
