god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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