Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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