11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
