i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just threw up on my dentist
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
