there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
