Kiss
Puke
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Randomize
