Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
