My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize