If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
