i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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