new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
