Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
tell your sister to shave her snatch
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
