In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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