i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
