im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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