I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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