I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
