Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
