Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
