Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
