The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
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its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
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Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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