$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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