I didn't shave. On purpose
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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