So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
