I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
