I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
