At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
