Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i came on her dog
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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