we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
This baby is an asshole
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
