I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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