somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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