So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
