can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
