I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize