I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
In America we eat man semen.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
