I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
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the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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