well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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