I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
