The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
