That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
