I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
