You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
