im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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