I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
