U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
it's great music for shaving your balls
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Im part way to drunk.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
