Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
