You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
