Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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