Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
