Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize