Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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