You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
