he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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