last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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