My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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