just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
