don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
