We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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