I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
