we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
