In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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