i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
