I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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