I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
