Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
