I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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