Betty ford says i'm here all night
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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