we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
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