I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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