There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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