it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
