its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
