Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
