Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
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You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
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You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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