somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
