Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
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i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
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I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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