im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
