so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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