Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
