My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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